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It's the Little Battles that Count

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The last few weeks have been pretty rough. No stamina... breathless... very tired all the time.  Guess my hemoglobin is VERY low. It's down to 81 and now I'm giving myself another injection of EPREX weekly.   My ribavirin is down from 5 pills to 2 pills a day.  
 
I was close to saying the hell with it, especially when I was told at week 4 there "was no detectable virus."

I usually can't sit still. I always have to be doing something. That's who I am (or was). Sit for a bit then get up and maybe do dishes or wash the kitchen floor or vacuum or garden or something. I was finding that I couldn't do a thing. Getting out of the chair was a chore that left me breathless.

 Depression set in and I was ready to quit. Thanks to Tim and Ann for encouraging me.
 
 My poor son, who is 12 years old. He'd ask for us to do something like we used to -- go for a walk, play a game, whatever. The response, however, has been "Mommy's too sick, sorry maybe in a while." The look in his eyes and on his face is enough to break my heart. Well, that "in a while" isn't until friggin August when I'm done with these treatments 

But...
 
Today I feel good. I made him an apple crisp and finally filled his cookie jar (he's been asking for chocolate chip cookies for weeks now).  I can't wait to see the look on his face tonight when I pick him up from school and he finds that! YAHOO!!  It's the little battles that count and the little things that count for a kid.
 
He is having a hard time with his "new" mom and wants his old Mom back. We have -- a suggestion from Ann -- written the timeline on the calendar and we are tracking progress that way. He seems to be OK with that. However, he's still having problems with other kids when they do things like 'Yo Momma' jokes.  Last night at scouts, one kid said to him" "Yo momma is so old she forgets everything." He took that to heart because that is one of the symptoms of the meds. There were another one or two "yo momma" jokes, including a "fat" ones.  When he told me that one I had to laugh and he got upset. I explained that I'm not fat anymore; I've lost about 18 pounds -- another side effect of the meds.  

Love the weight loss, hate the way its being done.
 
As for my sister, she is so depressed right now because of what I'm going through and what her brother -- not mine; that's a story for another day -- is going through that she is eating constantly and is the heaviest she's ever been. I'm worried about her too but, I can't do anything right now. I need my strength to encourage myself to continue going through this for my son. But I love her dearly, she is always there for my son and that is important to me.
  
Things are looking up and I know this is only one day of more energy than usual and it came at a very important time for me. Tomorrow might be different but for today, I'm happy.
 
Keep fighting the fight everyone.

4 Comments


Hang in there Cathy you can finish this. I have hep c3 and am on my 14th week of treatment. things have been very confusing for me the last 2 months and I hardly remember the 1st. my VL started at 414k and as of last week was <43 I too thought about (still am) stopping the treatment because of nasty side effects. But take it a day at a time. And I feel you can to. I really can relate to the who I am or who I was. Thank you for sharing your story, wishing you a 100% success.

Dave

Hi Cathy! Sorry I didn't comment earlier - I totally intended to but got side-tracked.

You're very much welcome to any support I can offer. I'm so glad it's helping and thank you for letting me know.

The suggestion I made that you mentioned above, I actually sent to you in a PM and left it out of the thread you linked to above. Just in case it may help others reading your blog, here it is again:

When you remind yourself that this isn't forever - remind him (your son) too. If you have a wall calendar, I recommend marking off the days until you stop treatment. I did this and I used to look at it every day and it gave me a lot of encouragement watching the days being marked off. My daughter used to look at it too and say things like "only ten more weeks to go!" It cheered her up and seeing that cheered me up too.

And remember, I did it for 52 weeks - that's thirteen (four week) months! I was a single mother too, although my daughter was slightly older at the time.


I'm so excited that you're doing better. Stick with it and keep up the good work. You'll get there and it will be over before you know it.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx

hello my name is dee I am 54 single mom with chronic hcv. please know that I can relate to your issues, as I took interferon many years ago and went into a temporary remission of sorts. I have a question to ask . my symptoms are ascites hard swollen abdomen often.fatigue chronic bruising. can I take the medicine for this again.? thank you for your time,and God Bless. dee

Hi Dee,

Unfortunately I am not a doctor. I recommend you speak to yours about your questions.

This site also has a Forums area where you can post general questions. It's at http://forums.hepmag.com

- Cathy

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This page contains a single entry by Cathy Johnson published on March 28, 2012 3:03 PM.

Looking Good! was the previous entry in this blog.

Picking Battles, Wisely is the next entry in this blog.

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